As I re-read the rest of this blog, the archives of my med school experience, I realize it wasn't easy, but I also see how different I am now from who I was then.
Now, I will acknowledge the elephant. The elephant that is in the room but no one acknowledges. We met in June 2001, when he wasn't an elephant yet. In second year, he became an elephant. During Clerkship, I was too busy to think about him, and life became less sentimental for me.
The elephant is a big part of my life. He helped me very much. Where I got by in high school, and only studied occasionally in college, in medical school I had to learn to study for hours and hours on end. The first and most difficult of those hours, he was with me. He knows that I cried when he had to go.
We saw each other again on the first day of the board exam, and wished each other good luck, God bless. I was hopeful we might review together for one last exam, but I knew this exam was too important. We might distract each other instead. So I stayed where I was supposed to stay, and he stayed where he was supposed to stay, each with our own friends and separate study groups of our own. I prayed for our exams that night, and also prayed for our friendship. Sure, he had a part in my past. Should he have a part in my present? On the second day, it was raining, and Joy offered me a ride. Joy & I finished the exam early, so we waited at the outdoor cafeteria for her car to arrive. Joy went over to talk to someone she knew, and I happened to look up at the building. Although it was too far to be sure, I think I saw a familiar sight: the elephant was waiting outside the door of my classroom. When everyone had left the classroom, he left too. Then I watched him talk to some guys, in a group across the parking lot. When Joy's car arrived and we stood up to leave, the guys started leaving too. I passed the elephant at the door.
On the second weekend, I was still praying for divine approval. I even put out a fleece. If we were supposed to be friends again, he would be the one to approach me. This was a fleece because I usually had to approach him when I needed help before. Sometimes, I felt like I was a nuisance of some sort. For him to approach me would be unusual, and maybe a miracle.It rained hard on the last day of exams. Joy offered me a ride home. I accepted the offer. I still wish the elephant & I could stay friends. Sometimes, I miss the elephant.
But i
f that was the sacrifice, the thing that needed to happen so that we wouldn't be distracted from our goal, to pass the medical board exam, I'm glad for the sacrifice, because we both passed.Maybe someday, I'll see the elephant again, and he would be the one to approach me. Elephants never forget.
